The Pains of Hate
by I'm sorry but no
Summary: Can Bakura save his little hikari before he does something really stupid?
1. Chapter 1

(i hope you like it! i wrote it in study hall today and it kind of just flowed from my mind! if you want to know more of a backround about Ryou and Yami Bakura i based some of this off of the story written by Lady Yami Bakura (Gutterflower) it is absolutly amazing and i just wanted to continue the story! i dont know what i will do with it yet but i promise not ot take anything from you! you were the one to come up with th brilliant idea for them and now i just want to expand on that thought!)

disclaimer!- these characters are NOT MINE AND I WISH NOT TO TAKE CREDIT FOR THEM! the charecters are from Yu-Gi-Oh!

I stood there over my little hikari as he sat on the floor crying. I had never seen him like this; he had never seemed like the kind of person who would ever wish this upon himself. I knelt down and slowly extended my arm to his back. His warm body underneath my hand trembled with him as he sat there crying on the bathroom floor.

What have I done? He was never supposed to feel like this. I never wanted this to happen to him, my little hikari was in so much pain and it was my entire fault. What have I done?

I slowly pulled him into my lap and the tears never stopped flowing from his eyes, my shirt was off so each little warm droplet of water fell right onto my bare chest. The flow of tears was not the only thing falling onto my skin. His wrists were all but destroyed and were bleeding all over me, the blood mixed with the tears and ran down my chest as it eventually hit the floor.

He had been cutting himself for at least an hour before I had found him, he had relapsed, and he had been doing so well! I had convinced him to stop cutting and I changed myself so that he would feel more loved than hurt. I kissed him more often and we had fun together, at least I thought we did, but apparently that wasn't enough.

"Sshhh! don't worry my little hikari, my little lamb, its okay… sshhh! Everything will be alright, we can get through this! You don't have to worry, you don't have to hurt." I almost sang the words that's how much I was cooing. We must have sat there for a while because I could see his wrists starting to heal themselves, the blood was flowing slower now and his body stopped shaking as hard as it had. He was calming down but the tears just kept coming.

I picked up the small frail, white haired boy and brought him out of the bathroom. I carried him into the bed room and placed him gently on the bed in my arms. We sat there for a long while in silence as his tears kept coming. I knew not to talk, sometimes all you need is someone to just sit there with you and you let your emotions take over. Finally he seemed to relax a little more and snuggled deep into my skin, his long white hair falling around us like a blanket maybe that was why he kept it so long, to comfort him and envelope him in a safety blanket of hair.

Finally he stopped shaking and we just lay there, each preoccupied with our own thoughts. I have to do something about this, I thought as I held my hikari, he cannot keep going on like this; I don't want to see him in so much pain.

After what felt like a millennia Ryou finally moved a little and looked up at me. I look almost exactly like him; we both have long white hair and very pale skin, only I am a little taller and MUCH older. My eyes are black while his are blue and have the clarity of a beautiful lake. He just looked at me with his clear eyes, he didn't have to say anything, I knew what I needed to do and he knew what I was going to do.

I picked him up again and carried him down to the kitchen and set him down on the counter, I went to the smallest cabinet in the entire room and took out the little red bag where we kept all the first aid and medicine.

I unzipped the little bag and pulled out everything I would need the antiseptic cream, some gauze and some other assorted bandages and got to work fixing his arms. He had really cut himself deep; he had over 40 different cuts now, all over his arms. He had used a large knife to do the deed and now the cuts left behind destroyed muscle and painfully deep incisions all over his arms. If I hadn't found him he probably would have continued.

As I pulled the gauze over the cuts as gently as I could, I saw his face wrinkle in pain as it touched the cuts. There was nothing I could do for him at the moment but to wrap them and tend them for the next few weeks. I have to get him help but what can I do?

As I finished wrapping his I arms I said "My little hikari, what troubles you? You know I can help, so please, let me." I said in the quietest and softest voice I could make "Please I'm worried." I gently lifted him from the counter and carried him back into the bedroom. I placed him on the bed and I sat down next to him at the foot of the bed. He seemed lost in his thoughts and I was losing myself into my own thoughts.

He didn't have to answer, not yet at least, but he would have to find a way to get out all those feelings he had inside himself without hurting himself. Finally the worry over powered me and I asked "Can you move your hands and arms? I want to make sure that you didn't permanently damage your muscles."

He slowly picked up his arms and moved them; I knew this was painful for him because he only kept them up a minute before he had to place them down. He moved all his fingers and then his hands clasped themselves together in his lap. Good at least he wouldn't be any more damaged then he already was. I nodded some of my fears melting away as he sat there. Finally I moved next to him, he was leaning against the head board and I joined him. I looked at him with all the worry I was feeling leaking onto my face, he slumped forward a little and then leaned sideways landing with his head on my lap, his beautiful eyes staring up at me.

He looked disappointed, not with me but with himself, he seemed to want to tell me something but he didn't let the words come forth. I gently raised his head and squirmed out from under him. I padded my way down the hall and ended up in the kitchen. I put all my medical tools and equipment back into the red bag and put the bag back into the cabinet. I felt my stomach growl, what a funny time to be hungry.

I saw the pot on the stove. I took the lid off and I smiled, my little hikari had made his favorite soup, I took 2 bowls and filled them with the smoldering liquid and brought them into the bedroom. Ryou looked up when I returned and he smiled a little, he loved this soup and I always liked when he smelled it because his entire mood would change. He would inhale the soothing smell of soup and exhale all his troubles away; this was defiantly the perfect thing for him right now, his own personal therapy. I brought the soup to him and sat down next to him. We ate in silence, the soup doing more for us then any words could ever express. With each spoonful the soup worked its magic and brought Ryou out of his mood.

He finished his soup in record time, he must have been feeling better because he got up and went into the bathroom, careful not to touch anything with his arms and grabbed a washcloth from under the sink. He wet it and brought it back to me, he extended his arm and started to dab at the dried blood that was all over my chest, he cleaned up his little mess from my skin and brought the rag back into the bathroom, rinsed and rung it out and came back to me.

Now it was my turn to clean up the mess. I stood up and cleaned the dried blood off the tile floor and I picked up the bathmat and the knife. I just looked at the mat, there was no use in saving the disgusting thing, and I was planning on buying a new one anyway. I took the two objects out of the room and put the knife in the sink, I would wash it later and took the mat right out to the garbage can. No use in keeping this disgusting object anymore.

Object… "That's it!" I nearly yelled as I made the realization that I had something that could help him. I had been planning on saving it for a special occasion but this seemed to be a little more important than any other occasion on earth. I almost sprinted into the house, running straight for my hiding place.

I had stumbled upon this the other day and I knew it was the perfect gift for Ryou, he loved music after all. I walked quickly to the center of the kitchen floor and took one step to the right. I knelt down and felt the board that I needed. I lifted three large boards out of the floor and then picked up the object I had been looking for. It was wrapped and I had hoped that he would never find it until I was ready to give it to him. I was planning on giving it to him for his 21st birthday but I think a night out clubbing would be better. After all he would be 21! Guys like to drink when they turn 21!

I slowly raised it out of the floor and put the floor back together. I made extra sure that the floor would go back together before I picked up the gift and brought it into our bedroom. Now or never…


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Ryou? I want to give you something." I appeared from around the corner of the door and he looked up at me. He seemed surprised by what I said and I kept the large gift behind the door as I entered into the bedroom, wanting to keep it hidden as long as possible. Finally there was no other way of hiding the large guitar case so I brought the case into the room and set it down on the bed.

I could sense the surprise and I saw his eyes glow with curiosity at the large outline of a guitar on the bed. I didn't know how to wrap a present so I just decided to paint it.

After Malik had given me the paint set almost a month ago I had started to paint anything and everything I saw. I wanted to infuse the world with the art that I could create, since I had never been able to do so while I was alive in Egypt all those years ago. So I took the otherwise plain black case and painted it to have images of both Ryou and I and all the things that define us.

The guitar itself was a nice guitar, they said it was the best one in the store so I bought it; I was never musically gifted so I can only hope that the sound is good. But I took extra care in selecting the case, probably more care than most people would, the case, after all, was the only thing I cared about for the gift. I painted it will pictures of us, and everything about us.

It starts at the top of the guitar case and winds its way down to the bottom and sides. I painting him playing the guitar, and I painted myself painting. I painted a large forest and our little house in the middle. I put the sands of Egypt and the pyramids. I put a sunset and the moon. Finally put the two of us dancing and the millennium ring connecting us together. I took extra care to paint his favorite poem around the sides of the case and finally I put one of my own poems around the side as well. But there was one more thing that he had to see, it was inside the case across from the guitar.

I couldn't possibly paint the story of us without putting the picture that defined us on the case. I had painted the change of heart card with us as the angel. My little hikari was the lightness and I was the darkness. I made sure to put everything good on his side and everything bad behind my side.

It had taken me three full days to complete, I was alone most of the day because he had to go to school so I was never seen doing it. It had come out much better than I had originally planned and I was still clinging to the idea that I would give it to him when he turned 21.

I'm glad that I decided to paint the case early, if I hadn't I might not have been able to give it to him today, after-all he needed this to keep his mind off what he had wanted to do.

Ryou sat there, dumbstruck, he had no words, he just kept opening and closing his mouth silently and I knew that he liked it. Best timing ever? Yeah I think so!

He looked overjoyed and was nearly crying from excitement as he hurled himself at me with all his power and started to kiss me, passionately, happily, lovingly. I kissed back with all the love and enthusiasm that he felt. His taste and smell the only things that mattered. He smells the same way he tastes, sweet, like honeysuckle, and no matter how I tried his taste would linger long after we stopped kissing.

I started to pull back and he moved into me, snuggling close to me, not wanting to let go, and not wanting to end the kiss. I didn't either but in his condition he needed to rest and this was far from restful. Every fiber in my body said no as I pulled back more, he needed to rest! He needed to… to… screw it!

I came back to life, new flow of energy enveloping me as I ripped open his button down shirt, buttons popping and falling to the floor, I would fix that later. All that mattered right now was Ryou and I and whatever our hearts told us to do.

Careful not to touch his arms I picked him up, still kissing, and pulled him close to me. I moved him towards the door and closed it, turned off the lights and we began kissing again, on the bed. This time, though, was different, almost desperate, clinging to each other, trying to touch more and more skin. He ripped off his shirt and his warm skin hit more of mine.

We began to slow and savor and linger as all signs of desperation disappeared, now it was just longing. Longing to stay like this forever, never having to do anything besides kissing and touching Ryou, my little hikari, my bright, shining, beautiful, hikari.

We finally slowed down to the point of stopping, we lay there on our sides, panting, breathing, snuggling, and hugging. Everything around us had melted away the moment he started to kiss me and nothing else mattered now. I know how to save him from himself, and I can rest easy knowing that as long as we feel that passionately towards each other, nothing and no one can separate us.


End file.
